Oh My Stars

sorryhouse:

from i will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together by mira gonzalez

David Sedaris,When You are Engulfed in Flames

xpyx:

MUD Enter The OASIS

(via fleurdelille)

Zaphod Beeblebrox

katybudgetbooks:

Here in the next month or so, we’ll have the list of our best-selling books up in store. These are not them. These are some of the staff’s favorite books published over the last year.

• Ready Player One by Ernest Cline(Tpb)(Stacey): An exciting blend of action, cyberpunk, and 80’s popular…

Merry early Christmas to me.

Ira Glass: Advice for Beginners by Zen Pencils

jamesfaraday:

chrisburtonuk:

“Nerd Porn Auteur”, by Ready Player One and Fanboys scribe Ernie Cline.

“I’ve noticed that there don’t seem to be any porno movies that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I’ve come across was targeted at beer-swilling, sports bar dwelling alpha-males
Men who like their women stupid and submissive
Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos
with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected, liposuctioned women
Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation
in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren’t real women. They’re objects.
And these movies aren’t erotic. They’re pathetic.
These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don’t turn me on.
They disgust me.
And it’s not that I’m against pornography.
I mean, I’m a guy. And guys need porn. Fact.
“Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,”
Guys need porn.

But I don’t wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.
I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:
Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world is a woman who is smarter than you are.

You can have the whole cheerleading squad,
I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:
Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.
Oh yes.
First I want to copy her Trig homework, and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her for hours and hours
Until she reluctantly asks if we can stop because she doesn’t want to miss Battlestar Galactica.
Summa cum laude, baby! That is what I call erotic.

But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?
No.
Which is why I’m going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.
I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.
And the women in my porno movies will be the kind that drive nerds like me mad with desire.

I’m talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve.
The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.
Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.
Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses
and chips on their shoulders.

My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.
My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.

In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn’t even have to get naked.
They’d just take the guys down to the rec room and beat them repeatedly at chess and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle
or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.

Buy stock in some hand cream companies because there is about to be a major shortage.

And I’m not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.
There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren of all sexual orientations.
Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like “Dungeons and Drag-queens.”

This idea is a fucking gold mine.
I am gonna make millions,because this country is full of database programmers
and electronics engineers and they aren’t getting the loving they so desperately need.
And you can help …

If you’re an intelligent woman who is interested in breaking into the adult film industry, and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker’s home planet,
then you are hired.

It doesn’t matter if you think you’re overweight or unattractive.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’re beautiful.
You are beautiful…
And I will make you a star.”

Oh my God. This is everything I want ever.

Casually reblogs

(Source: completelygenericurl)

pensiverainblossom:

David Sedaris

“Six to Eight Black Men”

‘Tis the season

(Source: pensivepblossom)

David Rakoff

So I was hanging out with a friend and he asked me to describe my Ursamancer characters so he could draw them.

It’s a very fun exercise for everyone involved. It wasn’t perfect, and we’re both morons, but it did help.

unypl:

“The Torah with Rashi’s Commentary: Vol. 1, Genesis,” Edited by Rabbi Yisrael Herczeg

Borrow I Read

I went up to him after I took the picture, to find out what he was reading. He welcomed my interruption seamlessly; it was like he had been expecting me. He showed me that he was reading commentary on The Book of Genesis. Then he asked me, “Do you want to hear a great idea?” I said yes happily. He said he was concentrating on the very first sentence in Genesis, where it mentions what was created in the world first. He pointed at the sentence in his book and said, “If you read the full sentence, it says that the sky and the earth were created first. But, if you read just the first half of the sentence, the Hebrew word in the middle reveals that it was actually the alphabet that was created before anything else.” He took his finger off the page then, and he pointed at the subway doors. “You see these subway doors,” he told me, “they really are made of metal.” In a quieter tone, full of meditative curiosity, he continued. ”At their foundation though, they’re really made of letters.” He lowered his hand then and looked around the subway car, in a way as if he was literally reading the atmosphere. 

Every penstroke I make for Ursamancer is another stab to my soul.

NaNoWriMo is killing me.